Life Is What You Make It

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Ten Anonymous Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:

1. I wish you would have been more of a role model to me when I was growing up. Over the past few years we have become close. I am glad that we have the relationship that we do today. I just wish you had been more available back then. Maybe I would be more available today if you had.

2. I love you. You are my best friend. I have always been able to be myself around you. I have been mad at you lately for the way you have treated me. I feel left out and betrayed. I am afraid that you are going down a path that will end our relationship. I don't know how to intervene without damaging what we have. I love you so much but I am afraid that some day it will all be gone and there is nothing that I can do about it.

3. I wish we were as close as we were when I was younger. I looked up to you and still do. You are my hero. You had such a big hand in making me who I am today. Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for always allowing me to do whatever I wanted, even if you knew I was going to fall on my ass. You always let me learn the hard way. I have definitely learned the hard way. I am thankful for that. I love you so much.

4. We have done everything together. We are getting older and we don't see each other as much as we used to or as much as we should. I sometimes wonder if we keep in touch because we want to or because we should. Both of have changed so much in the last five years. I don't really know you all that well anymore even though I act like I do. I know that you don't know me very well anymore either. I don't know that you ever did. I have always wanted to be more open with you but I know you will talk about it behind my back. Hopefully someday our interactions will be genuine.

5. We always got along so well. When did you become so flaky? You blow me off for weeks at a time but expect me to jump every time you call. You don't mean anything to me anymore. I think when we had our falling out it was for the right reasons. The only reason I decided to contact you so long after it happened was because I some how blamed myself for it. I think that calling you that day was a mistake. Maybe things would have been better left unsaid.

6. I love, love, love, you! I love you so much! You are too young to comprehend these emotions, but someday I hope you will know. You are surrounded by people who love and care for you. I think that you are beautiful and amazing and just watching you makes me happy. I miss you when you are not around. I can't wait to give you a big hug and a kiss next time I see you. Your future is bright. I can't wait to watch your story unfold. It's going to be a good one.

7. I fucking despise you. There are not enough words that can express just how much I hate you. I hate you so much that I could wish bad things upon you all day long. Lucky for you I believe in karma. Some day all the shitty things that you have done to me will come back to you. All the shitty things that you said to me will come back to you. Some day someone is going to do all the fucking awful things that you did to me, to you. Some day, you will understand what a fucking piece of shit you are. Nobody gives a shit about your bullshit stories and your fucking lies. I'll bet you can't even tell which stories are true anymore. The day I saw you lie right to your "friend" made me sick. You lied for no reason. You lied to someone that you called a friend for no reason. And it was a stupid pointless lie! I don't know how you live with yourself. I hate you for making me have hate. You are the only person in the world that I truly HATE. I hate, hate, hate you.

8. I wish that things would have been different between us. I know that we were too young. You and I really had something special, a special connection. I am mad at myself for letting our friendship go. You are an amazing person. It makes me sad that I am no longer in your life. We have had minimal contact over the last few years. I know that your life is going well and things are in order. I want to get to know you again, but I wont because I do not want to disrupt what you have. I have a feeling that I will never actually see or speak to you ever again. I hope you have a wonderful life.

9. I love you but I hate the things that you do to people. Just this evening I saw you do something shitty to someone that you care about. I don't understand how you don't see the wrong in the things that you do. They are wrong on all levels. Legally and morally being the big ones. You are a taker. That is all you will ever be. I wish that you weren't this way. I wish we could have the normal amazing relationship that we should have. I wonder if you know that I don't trust you to be alone in my house.

10. Someday you will be who you want to be. Stay focused. You can do it. I know you can.

Nine Things About Yourself:

1. I love to take photographs.
2. My two favorite things are Alara and ice cream.
3. My favorite place in the world is Utah.
4. I hate #$%… You know who you are.
5. I love music and dancing.
6. I have a disease that makes me feel ugly.
7. I love the letter C.
8. My feet are always cold.
9. I love the outdoors.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. Don't try to control me.
2. Have a sense of humor.
3. Make time to talk with me.
4. Accept that I am a veggie lover.
5. Don’t be afraid of trying new things.
6. Cook me dinner.
7. Be thoughtful, it's the little things that count.
8. Be completely comfortable just laying around sometimes.

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A lot:

1. How am I gonna get some more money.
2. I wish I was outside.
3. CCCC.
4. Alara
5. I wonder if there are germs on my hands.
6. I hope nothing bad is happening at work.
7. I need chocolate.

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:

1. Got married so young.
2. Married the wrong guy.
3. Let a good friend go.
4. Let a guy control my life.
5. Started smoking.
6. Lying about my disease for so long.

Five Turn Offs:

1. Bad hygiene
2. Invading my personal space.
3. Being uptight.
4. Being lazy
5. Arrogance.

Four Turn Ons:

1. Charm
2. Great smile.
3. Stories to share.
4. Bedroom eyes.

Three Words That Describe Your Life:

1. Hectic
2. Adventurous
3. Incomplete

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:

1. See the world.
2. Make a difference.

One Belief:

1. Life is what you make it.


Linda S. Socha said...

You know this is honest, brave, and sad, and hopeful. I am new here and glad I came to visit. Stop by when you are out and about

Fixinto said...

I am new here as well, and I see that you have quite a list of emotions happening here. It is great to get it out - and read it and analyze it. Strong words and deep emotions. I hope you are well today. Looking forward to reading your future posts!

~A~ said...

Thanks for visiting Linda and Fixinto. I am a guarded person and writing this blog is difficult for me. Thanks for your comments. I appreciate it!

Cherie/ Butterfly Dreamer said...

One good thing about being a guarded person is this place is a good one to let it all out.

~A~ said...

Hi Cherie~

I do feel this place will be good for me. I have had the account for a long time but never really started using it until recently.
It's nice to be able to say what I want without worry.