Here's That Update

Monday, April 27, 2009


So, waited for a whole agonizing month to get to the doctor to find out what was wrong with me. The day finally arrived. I went in and had my biopsy done and had to wait another agonizing week to get the biopsy results back. The results, not malignant. YAY!

The bad news, it's not malignant, yet. :( Such a bummer. It is good news that I don't have to worry about it right now, but somewhere down the line I might have to. My doctor said that since it was caught early it will be easier to monitor and keep an eye on. I have to go in every three to six months to have a biopsy done. Doc told me not to worry.

How can I not worry when I have to go in every few months to make sure that it hasn't turned on me? Seems like a silly request. But, he is the expert here not me, so I am going to do my best to not let this put a damper on my life.

I can't believe that I am actually going to say this, but this has almost been a good experience for me. What I mean is, this whole thing has really made me appreciate even more the life that I have. All the things that I want to do feel so much more obtainable to me now because I feel like I owe it to myself to be the best me I can, while I can. I think the expression is: live like you were dying. I know it sounds a bit macabre, but this scare has lit a fire in me. I'm already thinking about moving and making a career change. I am feeling giddy and excited like I am embarking on a new adventure. I can't explain it.

All I know is that I want to change everything that I am unhappy with in my life right now. I'm looking forward to the future so much right now even though the light on the horizon is dim. The closer I get, the brighter it will become.

I really feel like this whole event has been some sort of major turning point for me. I guess I'll have to wait and see.....

Update Soon

Saturday, April 25, 2009

I will have an update soon...

I have been absent for awhile....

Maybe later today.

There was some good news...


Another Day in Paradise

Friday, April 3, 2009

So I haven't posted since my birthday.

A lot has happened since then. I would love to say that my positive outlook would have stuck around but hey, no one really expected my moodiness to subside forever did they?

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. Not all bad, thankfully. Some good and some bad. Let's start with the bad and get that out of the way so we can finish strong.

I got a call from my doctor's office. They need me to come in to do some tests. Some tests meaning a biopsy. The doctor is concerned that I may have the big C. That news hit like a ton of bricks. I'm proud of myself for only breaking down into tears three times since I heard that news last week. I'm sure there will be a few more breakdowns before I get results back. So, I am crossing my fingers and saying a few prayers.

OK, (exhale) , that was the worst of it but not all of it.

So with the fear of real bad news coming from my doctor hanging over my head all week, my boss decided to ruin my weekend. I was trying to stay positive about what is going to happen to me medically, and I was actually having a good week work-wise. I was until about 5 pm today. My boss tells me on my way out the door that I need to start thinking about thinning out my staff.

Thanks for ruining my weekend by letting me know that I may have to ruin some one's life by telling them that they are going to be out of a job. Let them know that they are going to be out of a job in this shit economy. Tell them that they are out of a job in an area where jobs are a rarity. Pick one to go. How? How do I pick one to go? I am already short-staffed as it is, and now I have to cut someone out. This really upsets me. I just don't possess the big-business attitude. I'm not that heartless and cut-throat. But I will be reminded that it's just business. What the bureaucrats don't understand is that it is not "just business" it's "just some one's livelihood". That's all. Nothing big.

(Big exhale) All right, on to some good news. I have been making more time for myself lately. I have been relaxing more. I picked up a book and actually read more than a few pages for the last two nights. I have been trying to let things happen naturally instead of trying to force everything. I forgot how much easier life is when you just let it play out sometimes. I have to remember that I don't need to force my life in a particular direction. I just have to guide it in the direction I want it to go. I am hopeful.

That leads me to my next bit of good news. I have been working on my photography and have started working on my photoblog. It still has a long way to go, but I am so glad to have an outlet. Whether it's any good or not has yet to be determined, but I am pleased so far. That's all that matters.

My last bit of good news is I get to see my niece tomorrow. Hanging out with a 2 1/2 year old will be the highlight of my day. I can't wait. :-)

Hope everyone is well.