Same Old Doom & Gloom

Thursday, January 29, 2009

This bad mood.

I have been in this bad mood for too long now. It has really become tiring. When does it end?

I should mention that earlier this week I was feeling good. I was upbeat and positive and trying to cheer everyone else up.

But now, back to the usual bad mood.

I wish I could say why this cloud hovers over me. I guess it must enjoy being around me. I imagine that because of this cloud no one else enjoys being around me though. lol

I think my job is what keeps me under this cloud. But then, I keep myself at my job so I guess I have to take responsibility for the cloud.

I wish that I had the ability to let things roll off my back when they don't really matter. I also wish for the ability to confront things that do matter.

There is something other than work that has been bothering me lately.

A person that I am close to has an addiction. I think. All the classic signs of addiction are there, but an unconventional addiction it is. See, this person is addicted to the computer. Or, to be more specific, to an MMORPG (Massively Multi-player Online Role Playing Game).

Over the last year or so, this person has completely given up all social activities, rarely sees friends, has developed a fear of social situations, and places a high value on achievements that have happened in the game. This person no longer has achievements in real life. It is like the real world is no longer important and the virtual one is.

This game, has affected all of this person's social contacts. Including me.

I am getting to the point now, where I am considering cutting ties.
I have discussed my concerns with this person several times, but my concerns are brushed aside and ignored.

So now what do I do? I think this person needs help. Unfortunately, I am not listened to.

I am at a loss. How do I know when a relationship can be salvaged or not? I barely see or interact with this person anymore because the majority of the day's hours are spent online.
The majority meaning up to 16. I want a relationship with this person, but I cannot seem to take back my place of importance any longer.

This is breaking my heart every single day.

Anyone here have any advice?

I would appreciate it.


More Bad News...

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I am glad the week is over. It was a bad one.

It is difficult to go back to work after having 11 days off. Towards the end of my vacation I really started embracing my laziness. :-) When things are rough at work, going back after a normal weekend is hard, going back after 11 days is torture.

I was struggling to play catch-up and try to keep a positive attitude about being back. I was doing all right with that facade until Wednesday morning.

Each morning in an attempt to be proactive, I go through my e-mails from home while I eat my usual breakfast of Kashi. On Wednesday, as usual, I was checking e-mails and sending responses and delegating tasks when I saw an urgent e-mail from my boss. The urgent e-mails that I typically get from him are usually intended for someone else to read with urgency, as I am typically just one of the "CC'd".

Not on Wednesday though. As I opened the e-mail and began to read, I felt emotion well up into my chest and throat. The e-mail was a forward from the executive staff stating that they were implementing a wage reduction. Not good news. Now I understand that this letter could have been worse. It could have said that the doors were going to close. It would not have been terribly surprising given the economic situation. But for me, a wage reduction really hits hard.

This news makes life difficult for me in a few ways. The first being the obvious one, which is, of course, that it puts a dent in my wallet. I have been working on a budget the last few days. A budget is something I should have done a long time ago. In addition, I am already working on a plan on what things are expendable should the need present itself. I hope it does not come down to that.

The other reason that this news makes my life difficult is the people I work with. I worry for some of them. I have been known as a bit of worrier. I partially worry about myself, and I always worry about others. It's just one of the things I do. I know I shouldn't worry for everyone else. Sometimes, like now though, I can't help it.

I am the H.R. contact in my location. People come to me with all kinds of problems and I try to help them resolve their issues. It could be a discrepancy with their vacation time, a need for more information about insurance benefits, or issues with fellow coworkers. I am sort of like the resident diplomat.

Any way, so I digested the news of a wage reduction along with my Kashi and headed into work. When I got there my boss wanted a meeting with myself and the other manager that was there at the time. The meeting was about the reduction and why it was happening and what we were going to do about it. In my head I was already preparing my speech as to how to break the news to my employees and other coworkers. When I asked when we were going to tell everyone, I was told that we were not telling anyone. Huh? Not telling?

We were informed that letters were being sent to every employee's home outlining the reduction and the need for it. I asked if we could tell them face-to-face, and I was told no. That irked me.

I was irked when I found out in an e-mail. How was everyone else going to feel when they found out in a letter? I don't like feeling like a sneak. I don't like hiding things from people especially when I know that it is going to impact them in a big way. I think face-to-face would have been a better delivery method for this type of news.

The news was not supposed to break until Wednesday night when people were getting home and checking their mailboxes. Of course, there were plenty of workers who work first shift and they got home to find their letters waiting for them. Employees started calling and employees spouse's began calling them and then they were calling us. It was a big cluster fu$k. Most of the employees that were still at work were getting the news second and third-hand so the whole thing got twisted around and rumors started to fly. I spent the majority of my Wednesday and Thursday dispelling rumors and trying to justify the reduction to everyone.

I know that we will all get through this somehow. We are not the only ones going through this struggle. If anything, we are the lucky ones. We still have jobs. For now. I just hope that we can all pull together and make things work. It is hard to keep morale up when people are constantly being pushed down. I just wish I knew how to make things better.

Trying to bring people up all the time is hard when you also feel defeated. One week back at work after a vacation and I am already exhausted. Boy, that didn't take long did it?