Another Day in Paradise

Friday, April 3, 2009

So I haven't posted since my birthday.

A lot has happened since then. I would love to say that my positive outlook would have stuck around but hey, no one really expected my moodiness to subside forever did they?

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now. Not all bad, thankfully. Some good and some bad. Let's start with the bad and get that out of the way so we can finish strong.

I got a call from my doctor's office. They need me to come in to do some tests. Some tests meaning a biopsy. The doctor is concerned that I may have the big C. That news hit like a ton of bricks. I'm proud of myself for only breaking down into tears three times since I heard that news last week. I'm sure there will be a few more breakdowns before I get results back. So, I am crossing my fingers and saying a few prayers.

OK, (exhale) , that was the worst of it but not all of it.

So with the fear of real bad news coming from my doctor hanging over my head all week, my boss decided to ruin my weekend. I was trying to stay positive about what is going to happen to me medically, and I was actually having a good week work-wise. I was until about 5 pm today. My boss tells me on my way out the door that I need to start thinking about thinning out my staff.

Thanks for ruining my weekend by letting me know that I may have to ruin some one's life by telling them that they are going to be out of a job. Let them know that they are going to be out of a job in this shit economy. Tell them that they are out of a job in an area where jobs are a rarity. Pick one to go. How? How do I pick one to go? I am already short-staffed as it is, and now I have to cut someone out. This really upsets me. I just don't possess the big-business attitude. I'm not that heartless and cut-throat. But I will be reminded that it's just business. What the bureaucrats don't understand is that it is not "just business" it's "just some one's livelihood". That's all. Nothing big.

(Big exhale) All right, on to some good news. I have been making more time for myself lately. I have been relaxing more. I picked up a book and actually read more than a few pages for the last two nights. I have been trying to let things happen naturally instead of trying to force everything. I forgot how much easier life is when you just let it play out sometimes. I have to remember that I don't need to force my life in a particular direction. I just have to guide it in the direction I want it to go. I am hopeful.

That leads me to my next bit of good news. I have been working on my photography and have started working on my photoblog. It still has a long way to go, but I am so glad to have an outlet. Whether it's any good or not has yet to be determined, but I am pleased so far. That's all that matters.

My last bit of good news is I get to see my niece tomorrow. Hanging out with a 2 1/2 year old will be the highlight of my day. I can't wait. :-)

Hope everyone is well.



Linda S. Socha said...

I am thinking of you and putting those thoughts to all being well for you health wise. I know you will do ok to do whatever must be done at work. No one can say you have to like it

~A~ said...

Thank you Linda for the good thoughts my way. I need as many as I can get right now. :-)

Cherie/ Butterfly Dreamer said...

As someone who has survived the big C already , you are in my thoughts. Glad you are working on your photography. It can be a great creative expression.

~A~ said...

Thank you Cherie. :-)
Once I find out what is going on I'll post about it.